Sarah Fishbein just returned form a special trip with USY to Poland and then Israel.
Below are her remarks as she shared them last Shabbat.
Our future is in strong hands!
Shabbat Shalom.
Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner
Hello and Shabbat Shalom. My name is Sarah Fishbein. Two and a half weeks ago, I got back from my summer on USY Poland/ Israel Pilgrimage. I wanted to share my experience with you, so I will tell you about meaningful experiences that I had in both Poland and Israel.
For the first week of my trip, which was in Poland, we spent everyday (with the exception of Shabbat) in a cemetery, a concentration camp, or a death camp. So as you may guess, no, Poland is probably not my all-time favorite vacation spot. But, it is a place that I think is extremely important for people to visit and experience. On our last full day in Poland, we visited an extermination camp called Treblinka, the second biggest camp, following Auschwitz- Birkenau. We walked around a bit as our rosh was guiding us through the completely empty area. After walking through a long canopy of trees with a pathway just big enough for train tracks, the place opened up. Unlike many of the camps we visited, there was not a bunker, a gas chamber, or a crematorium in sight. As we walked into the area, one of my staff members set up an extremely powerful ceremony. We all gathered as she handed out balloons to each of us.
You can probably imagine how confused we all were with a colorful balloon in our hands in the middle of an enormous death camp with another group about 100 yards away. She told us to blow a breath into the balloon after everything she said. “Think about your family. I blew into the balloon. Think about your closest friends. Another breath. Think about your comfortable home. Your synagogue. Your favorite teacher. Your warm community. Your favorite foods. Your favorite piece of clothing.” Our balloons grew with every breath, to a size bigger than our heads. She told us to keep thinking of everything that has meaning to us as we tied a knot in the balloon. As I thought about my parents, and my siblings, and my congregation, and the house I have lived in my whole life, I heard what sounded like a gunshot. She proceeded, “and just like that, everything is gone. Your family, your closest friends, your home.” I heard another loud pop. And another. Then she popped my balloon. Metaphorically, I just lost everything I had. Just from the touch of one little needle hitting my balloon.
After the ceremony, with the deepest feelings right at the surface, we were instructed to find a spot and write. I want to share with you what I wrote.
I’m sitting criss cross in Treblinka in the middle of thousands of stones. There are two tall narrow stones to the left and right of me about as tall as me, sitting. My back is facing a triangular shaped one with a flat top that stretches up to my shoulder blade. And right in front of me is a stone a little wider than my shoulders and about as tall as my chin. As I look around, stones vary in size, shape, color, pointiness. Some stones have names in them while most of them don’t. And this is all they get. Each stone represents a community of people not just one individual person. Think about their family. Think about their friends. Think about their home. Think about their favorite food and their most recurrent thoughts. Within the pop of a balloon it’s all gone. As I am sitting here, a leaf just fell from a tree above. Right onto my left arm. Just as I shed a tear, the tree above does the same. I picked up the leaf, looked at it, and with another gust of wind, it was gone. Gone forever. All I have left now is a memory, this, to remember that leaf. That tear. This feeling that overwhelms me. All these people have left that I am surrounded by are these short little stones spread about 2 feet apart from each other. So much more is lost than just a leaf, or just a person. It is the community by which it is surrounded that is lost. In the same way that I am sharing my experience right now to remember this moment, and this feeling, it is so incredibly important to remember over 6 million people whose lives and whose communities were gone within as short as a few minutes.
What followed the somber week in Poland was four splendiferous weeks in Israel where 32 of us explored, prayed, and hiked our way all over the country from North to South. My experience in Israel was so opposite to my experience in Poland, which made us all appreciate the country so much more.
I saw Israel for the first time at Yemin Moshe as the sun was rising over Jerusalem while I was standing amidst my new family. That was when I learned that Israel was the most beautiful place I have ever seen, and I ever will see, both physically and spiritually. It was my first connection with Israel. In Poland, a lot was taken out of me. When I was there, I tried to look at my life and myself from a different perspective, and I noticed I pretty much had it all. But, emotionally, I felt like I had nothing left to give. In Israel, I felt the opposite. I felt like I had so much to give, but even more to receive from my new home. I felt this especially in the Makhtesh Ramon.
When we got dropped off in the middle of the desert, we really had no idea what was to come. I expected to be bothered by bugs, scary animals, and creepy noises all night, along with constantly having the thought of having to go to the bathroom on my mind. Little did I know, this experience was going to be another powerful and meaningful experience in my life. Once it was completely dark outside, we were led to a different part of the Makhtesh where we were all separated so we each had our own little space to look up at the sky completely full with stars. The second I sat down and looked up, I was consumed by my own thoughts and feelings that I did not know existed. I was able to look at myself and my life in another completely different perspective than I ever have. After about ten minutes, our group came back together and talked about everything we just felt and experienced. We all had such different perspectives to share, but at the same time we had all of the same thoughts of battling with ourselves whether we felt incredibly small in such a huge world, or incredibly large in such a powerful and uplifting moment. Talking with my 26 new best friends in the middle of nowhere about our deepest feelings under such an incredible sky was the moment that I felt most at home and most connected to the world and my group.
After sleeping for a few short hours in the Makhtesh, we had an almost completely up hill, 2 hour hike. As the sun rose slowly over the crater, we were instructed to take out our siddurim and daven our own shacharit however we wanted. Some people flipped to the back of their siddur and read Holocaust excerpts, some sat and thought to themselves the whole time. I mostly went through the service as we normally would, but at the same time, I flipped to pages I had never been to, and I read the English that I never took the time to read. As I was doing so, I came across a prayer called Mizmor Shir Hanukat Habayit. This prayer basically explains how to overcome the bad by looking at the good. While reading this prayer, I connected again, but this time to my Judaism. As I continued my tefillah, I appreciated it more and more and I related to it on a new level that I did not know was possible. After this moment, I was able to appreciate my summer so much more. I did not complain that it was 115 degrees out and I was hot, I was grateful that I had a bag of water on my back. I was not upset when I had to wake up at 4am and hike Masada, I was happy that I got to experience the place at its fullest with all of my friends.
Looking back at my experiences in Poland, and my meaningful connections in Israel, I notice that no matter who you are, or where you are, there is always room to find yourself, and learn about the world from a different perspective. For me, this was the time that I spent alone with my own thoughts. I realize that this was not just any teen tour, but it was a time for deep reflection to learn and connect with my Jewish identity as well as create some lifelong friendships with people from around the country.
I would never be able to experience the different things I did if it were not for this Temple Emanu-El community that I have been a part of my whole life. I would like to thank Rabbi Kirshner, Rabbi Freedman, and the Temple Emanu-El community for the generous scholarship which allowed me to have this once in a lifetime opportunity.
Shabbat Shalom.