Three of my favorite songs are all about apologizing. To be fair, I like the music as much as the lyrics, but I am sure the potency of the songs are the words AND the music blended together.
First is Eric Clapton’s “I Get Lost”
“I’m sorry.
Why should I say I’m sorry?
If I hurt you...” click for continued lyrics
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Next, is the ballad written by Bernie Taupin and performed by Elton John, “Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word.”
“What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me…” click for continued lyrics
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Finally, I really love hearing “Hard for me to Say I’m Sorry” by Chicago
“Everybody needs a little time away
I heard her say
From each other…” click for continued lyrics
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Singers earn their chops writing “sorry” songs because their job is to put into lyric and rhythm the feelings many of us experience, but cannot always articulate. Let’s face it, we have all been sorry for things we have said and done and things not said and not done. But, not everyone can easily articulate what needs to be uttered. So, we turn to Peter Cetera, Eric Clapton and Elton John to say it for us.
‘Sorry’ is a hard word to say. Maybe because we are angry or just saying the word makes us feel vulnerable, embarrassed for our wrong doing or saying sorry to incriminates us and gives the upper-hand to the person we struggle with. That is not how apologies are supposed to be crafted. It is supposed to be hard to say. It is supposed to make us vulnerable and meant to make our relationships more meaningful and elevated when completed.
Over the course of the past year, undoubtedly, I have wronged you, hurt you and caused you pain. Perhaps I did not know I wronged you. Perhaps I did. Maybe it was something I said, did not say, or did or did not do. For those transgressions, I am sincerely sorry. I do not use this mass e-mail to exonerate me from the difficult conversations that need to take place, face to face seeking your forgiveness. I have had those this week and will continue to for the balance of the year.
Many people tell me that they guard their behavior closely during the 10 days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. While I applaud that, I care more about the people that take heed to their behavior from Yom Kippur to the next Rosh Hashanah. That begins with an orientation of being able to offer and accept forgiveness and to strive to make right that which is wrong. I start that journey today and promise to enter this New Year in that positive and forgiving direction. I hope you will too. If you get stuck, perhaps the words and melodies of these songs will inspire you to say the difficult words that hold great impact.
My family wishes you and your loved ones a meaningful fast and a blessed New Year.
Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner