It works. It really works.

It is hard to find a Jewish organization today that is not talking about Jewish continuity in some form or another. In the wake of the Pew report on Judaism, we have learned that intermarriage rates in the Jewish community continue to rise.  And, perhaps more noticeable a trend than the charted increase is the fact that it is worrisome to fewer people.

Whether one is a social, political or medical scientist, all surveys point in the same direction: that endogamy  – or Jews marrying Jews – is the simplest recipe for Jewish continuity.

The best program I know of to get that result is J-Date.

As a rabbi of a congregation well known for its beauty and world-class caterer, weddings are common occurrences at Temple Emanu-El.  Every couple at whose I nuptials I officiate, in addition to several in office meetings, are invited to our home for Shabbat dinner beforehand so that we can model the blessings of Shabbat and get to know one another better.  About 8 years ago or so, our table was surrounded by a group of couples all getting married in the coming months.  My wife, who does not get to know the couples in meetings like I do, always asks each one for their story: how they met, their proposal stories, etc.  One Friday night in between chicken soup and gefilte fish, each couple began to share their stories… We learned that, all by coincidence, we were at a J-date table.  Each of the 5 couples met through J-date.

From that dinner onward I started keeping track of the weddings I performed and how couples met.  I was amazed when the data presented that more than 70% of the weddings I perform were the result of J-date.  I could barely believe it!

Shortly after, I decided to do something radical.  On Rosh Hashanah,  I announced to our congregation my findings and offered to pay for monthly subscriptions to J-date for all eligible members.  A few minutes after Havdallah, the phone was ringing off the hook.  Single members of all ages were asking for me to sign them up.  For many, finances were not the barriers stopping them.  It was their mother or father nagging them that inhibited them from logging on to the site.  They thought J-date had a stigma of desperation or embarrassment.  For some reason, the “cover” I offered encouraged people to take the plunge.  Of course, I kept all registrations a private matter.

While half of the single congregation was getting subscriptions, the parents and others inspired donated funds to power the endeavor.

This past year, our Temple community witnessed a wonderful dividend on our investment.  Three couples were married at our Temple, all of whom heard about the J-date initiative on Rosh Hashanah and followed up with subscriptions.  They were married within a few months of each other.

One couple is in their late 20s, another couple are a set of widowers who had lost their spouses a few years earlier and the third couple were both professionals who were approaching 40.  In each case, the magnetic field of J-date allowed them to pull one towards the other.  Now, their hearts are filled and their lives are infused with added meaning.  I can hear my Bubbie saying from above, “every jar has a special lid, just for it.”  Indeed.

We have come a long way from Yenta the matchmaker.  Or maybe we haven’t. Maybe she is just doing the same work through a different platform, one that speaks the language of our tech-driven society.  I guess that is the essence of Judaism: synthesizing new realities with our tradition.

All the single ladies, (and men) get on J-date.   It works. It really, really works!

Shabbat Shalom,

Rabbi David-Seth Kirshner